With Beauty you need more brains.

I (Sandra-Aikarua Mushi) remember, it was Lent and one of my brothers had asked me to join him with his friends for soda (in my case then) and some nyama choma.
Seated opposite me was a very beautiful young girl.  She was so beautiful that I could not help it but stared at her.  She was very quiet too.  And sad.  Next to her was a much older boyfriend who throughtout the evening kept throwing his hand across her carelessly and in a possessive manner.  The boyfriend was very married.
"Mdogo wangu, for how long will you be doing this for?"  I found myself asking her.
Frowning, she looked down.
The boyfriend looked at me and then her, "si anataka kuishi, dada?"
"Kuishi ndo hivi, mdogo wangu?"
"Mishahara ya laki sita mrembo kama huyu ataishije?" He answered for her.
"I started with way less than that."
"She started with a car," he bragged.  Rubbing her shoulders roughly he added, "deservingly so."
A few weeks later I bumped into her.  Looking sadder than ever with a well camouflaged black eye.  The very next day after our brief talk he had moved her into a posh apartment in the Peninsular, she then told me.  A few days later he roughed her up for talking to his friend.  She said hardly a week had not passed when he stormed into the apartment with two guys whom he introduced as policemen, accused her of stealing from him and roughed up again.  Badly. 
"Kwanini ulimuibia saaa?"
"Sikumuibia.  Huwa kila kitu ananipa sasa kwanini nimuibie?"
"Sasa kwanini akusingizie?"
She looked down.  "Sijui.  Trying to scare me and control me maybe?"
So she knew.
"Kwani hujasoma, mdogo wangu?"
"I am a university graduate."
"Can you not take care of yourself? Kazi hamna kwani?  Have you tried applying?"
"I have tried.  I met him whem applying for a job ... at his company."

I (Emmayana) have met similar situations and so can many other beautiful women.  While we all know beautiful people have a very big advantage in life, they also have to pay a price of working to be very smart in a world full of hunters while they remain the preys.
Research has proven time and again that, beautiful people are more succesful, have better pay, get better services in places they go than normal people. They have more friends and more options in choosing life partners.  Did you even know that good-looking sells people, sell more! Yah right. Beautiful people just have it easy. I have heard this statement from the moment I had brains. And yes they have it easy depending on your point of view.

It all boils down to, customers, bosses, employers, restauranteers and people they interact with who will be more likely to buy or give a service if they think it will increase their chances to have sex with these people we universaly agree to be beautiful. Dario Maestripieri, a professor of comparative human development, evolutionary biology, and neurobiology at the University of Chicago calls this principle "the pleasure of dealing with good-looking people." With all honesty, "Good-looking people are more appealing as potential sex partners,"
And there is a price to pay for that! Since as a beautiful person you are always regarded as something to be used for pleasure! Actually lets agree people use you for pleasure all the time. They look at you and ignite their imaginations to pleasurable places. I mean its gross but its just the truth. I want to believe you truly want to amount to more than how you look, even when the media portrays beauty to be the ultimate goal in life!

In order to amount to more than your looks and survive as a prey in a world full of predators! First you have to understand how predators hunt. Darling they hunt, these men and women hunt!, consciously or subconsciously. And you have to know the baits they use to get you. You have to develop super human abilities. Hahaaaa haaaa!
Well no!, just kidding! I meant you have to develop certain characters that will help you survive and thrive beyond a mere decorative and pleasure object.  So here is the price to pay:-

You have to be a person with high intergrity. Intergrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. First you have to build strong moral principles and then stand true to them no matter the circumstances. While it may seem hard when a predator flushes a bait infront of you, trust me your intergrity will stand longer for you than the bait ever will. They say Intergrity is better than money. You can learn more about this by listening to our woman crush wednesday, Ibukun Awosika here.

You also have to grow a hard shell of resilient and persevere since most people will want to use you and most times bribe you inordee corner you. And I have s feeling you habe been here before.
You have to develop the character to deal with the effects of saying NO, straight forward. Will you lose job? Yes. Will you need to beg? sometimes, yes. Will you need to file law suits sometimes, I guess so. Will you have to threaten people some times? I think so. Will it be hard for you as you stand for your intergrity? yes, very much so. Work to develop endurance and perseverance. You will need it.

Grow your-self confidence and faith. You see, sometimes people will mistreat you just because you have refused them what they thought they will get from you.  And trust me they will try to pull you down, they will most times verbally abuse you and tell you how you won't amount to anything.  You got to believe in your abilities, which you will also have to develop since if you are only your beauty, you won't have abilities to rely on in the first place. And sometimes we fall for the bait, I don't know how much I can emphasize on self confidence on this part.
Our story tells of a girl whose confidence was utterly destroyed with her predator. If you ever find yourself in this place, find help, find a person who has enough courage to encourage you to grow your self confidence back on or built it up if you didn't have a big one to begin with.

Act very professional, they say. I am still struggling with this. Sometimes it forces me to put on so much work so someone may know that I am more than my face and they got to take me seriously! And I have to act serious, I avoid friendships with the opposite sex because with time, it just turns out sour. I have to dress very professional most times to be taken serious. And I avoid jokes that lead to sensitive topics.  Avoiding talks about my personal life to clients and co-workers, this works miracles.

Patience is your biggest ally. We all want good stuff and we fall for that bait all the time. Develop patience and work hard in the right way to get what you want. "Maisha yapo, yatakuja tuu! Vuta subira".
The cost for wanting everything now is not worth it. Or maybe I am lying, why don't you try it and write me back when you 're 70!

Since you attract shallow and good people and whole bunch of people in your life. You have to learn how to filter the true people who like you for you and not just because you have a face that can sell cars without speaking or an attractive body.

You have to be smart to make sure people know you are more than just your face. You will sometimes and many times have to prove your value beyond your face, and this happens mostly in intimate relationship. As you have noticed, beautiful people rarely have long term relatioships.

When it is requires you better learn how to fight. Trust me, all women need this. Maybe fighting is not so good, but in some cases its needed. You don't know how often I have had to use a knife in my life! I don't want to brag that I am good looking, in the end I didn't make me. I was created by my LORD and all just for his glory, it's just that I have used a knife and my very weak fist often times than I had like to admit.

So let me introduce myself officially as a beautiful person, and so are YOU, yes you!To win in this game, which truly is a game between predators and preys, We must know who we are, what we truly want and how we will get what we want.
If you don't know who you are, most times like the true story we began with, you will be crushed and used. You will fall prey to the smartest of men or women who will drive you insane using your own insecurities.

Since we have so much attention. We tend to take for granted those who truly care about us. I have come to notice that most beautiful individuals get in and out of many more relationships than normal looking people. Be more than your face. ( will reserve this for another article!)

All in all if you are beautiful, back that up with brains, a matured character, an understanding of how the world works and a very strong personality. You will need it. In a world of hunters, predators and preys. Beautiful people fall in the prey category.

Enjoy.....!!!
Thank you.
Yours with Love, Emmayana.

Special Thanks to my Sister Sandra-Aikarua Mushi for the introductory story line, and let me rake this chance to introduce her book, "Stains on my Khanga", you can buy it here. It's a marvel. Enjoy.